We all think about it, the future. Where will we be in a few years? Will something happen to me? Will I be in an accident? Will I die? Will I be engaged? Will I still be in school? Will I be successful? Will I be pregnant? Will I be happy? All these questions run through my mind, as I'm sure they do everyone else. The future is scary. How can we be ready for it? Then comes the question we ask ourselves years later: If I could go back would I do it all again? I think about this question all the time. Especially being a student in college, I think about this question daily. I usually think about certain times in my life that I wish I could redo. I also think about the last couple years in reference to my own education. For instance, when I think about times that I wish I could redo in my life, I have to remind myself that every experience, every person that I have met, every conversation I have had has had an impact on who I am today, or at least has had an impact on the journey to the person I have become thus far. I may wish to forget those things, but then I have to ask myself, would I be myself? My answer is always no, I wouldn't be the same. I would be someone else, either nicer or meaner, smarter or more naive. When I begin to think about my education, I wonder if I should have gone to a different school to study Clarinet performance instead of coming here to study vocal performance. Should I have changed my major to English, or should I have stayed in the Music Education field? Is making this choice in career paths smart? I know that my dream is to work for National Geographic. Always has been. But the road to that ultimate goal is rocky and full of disappointment. Can I handle that? Is English really the field that is me? Or is there something else out there that I have yet to discover and I will change all over again? Am I actually changing? Or am I just finding what fits me the most?
Of course, all this pondering could go on forever. I just have one more thing. Do you wonder about the very far future? The future that isn't actually the beginning of something, but the future that is near the end? I always wonder if I will be happy with my accomplishments, am I going to be scared, am I going to be ready, will I have family, or will I be the end, because I am the end of my family blood line. Obviously, I get a little skirmish trying to imagine what my last years, days, hours will be like. No one could possible know. I think my favorite question of all time is officially what does the future hold for me?
I could write an essay length response to your post but I won’t (lol). I will say, that as humans we do ponder our journeys, direction and our future – and, I think that’s natural. But, it’s important to enjoy the process of life and living – with all its ‘ups and downs’ and in all that it has to offer. In my youth I would never have imagined where and how I’ve ended up e.g. in the teaching profession, married to an Aussie, finally pursuing my first love of ‘writing’ (after degrees in Finance, Law and an MBA), etc. There have been lots of obstacles, and pain, along the way and I feel as if it is only now, in my thirties, that I’m finally beginning to ‘find my feet’, so to speak – and, to ‘own my destiny’ (although, ultimately, as a Christian, I believe God is the one who directs/purposes one’s destiny)! If I could do it all again – sure there are LOTS of things I’d change. However with hindsight the advice I would give myself is: Enjoy the ride!!! I leave you with the following quote.
ReplyDeleteDo not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. -- Buddha
And an Auden poem that puts your questions in perspective. Thanks for sharing. Have a good week!
IF I COULD TELL YOU
Time will say nothing but I told you so,
Time only knows the price we have to pay;
If I could tell you I would let you know.
If we should weep when clowns put on their show,
If we should stumble when musicians play,
Time will say nothing but I told you so.
There are no fortunes to be told, although,
Because I love you more than I can say,
If I could tell you I would let you know.
The winds must come from somewhere when they blow,
There must be reasons why the leaves decay;
Time will say nothing but I told you so.
Perhaps the roses really want to grow,
The vision seriously intends to stay;
If I could tell you I would let you know.
Suppose all the lions get up and go,
And all the brooks and soldiers run away;
Will Time say nothing but I told you so?
If I could tell you I would let you know.