Existence

This is a conversation I had once which was very intriguing...

There is no such thing as “existence” until we have made it exist. We are not here, until we have said we had a past and that we had a history. If “reality” is merely a word that mankind created, then what is “reality?” And if “reality” is what we make it, then what if we took “reality” out of our vocabulary? Would it still “exist?”

If reality is what we make it, and it only exists when say it exists; our past only exists when we create a past, then what are we doing? Who are we? Are we even here existing?
Reality is what you make it, but the thing is that it’s still reality, maybe very different from what you’ve been taught reality is, but reality none the less…whether or not we exist as we have always believed is irrelevant. What we are doing is surviving and gathering knowledge.
Survival of the fittest. But even with that knowledge we don’t necessarily know what we are doing or what it means, until someone or ourselves gives it a meaning or definition. Just the same as someone pointing something out and therefore it is, when before whatever “it” was, wasn’t.
It’s within our own surviving that we feel the need to have meaning and question which makes me think that there is something else, namely the singularity.
What do you mean singularity?
You should look it up but very basically it’s when humans merge with technology, essentially becoming a multi-minded organism, evolution through technology.
But doesn’t that worry you? If there is say, a “robot holocaust” our dependence and emergence with technology would have the capacity to destroy mankind. We would have lost our skill sets that generations before us have. Even the agriculture today depends upon technology…if that emergence happens, and then fails…
Yeh that’s possible but I just choose to believe the more positive possibilities. And either way I think merger with technology is inevitable, so it makes no sense worrying about the outcome.
Well yeh. I mean we already have dependence upon technology so much that we can’t go back. I just think we should be aware of it and try to minimize.

Five Scents

Lay down
Breathe.
Take in my scent –
my shampoo, my perfume,
my makeup
Take in my scent –
my skin, my breath
Listen.
slow, steady, intake
slow, steady, inhale
quick, hard, exhale
quick, hard, exhaust
Feel.
my life, my rhythm
heart beat –
1-2, 1-2, 1-2
tick-tock, tick-tock
pitter-patter
muscle twitch
skin graze
Watch.
chest rise
fall
eyelash fall
rise
lips part
close
nervous swallow
Taste.
my lips –
hints of lipstick
my skin –
bitterness of perfume

don’t name it
it won’t exist
exist within context
context is created
created realities
realities are false
false understanding
understanding the living
living fake lives
lives that are upside down
down to most is up to some
some is just a few
few only stand from many
many speak
speak and listen
listen to who
who am i

Travis

This is about a boy in most of my classes that I always meet eyes with in an awkward since...

It seems that every time I look
across the room you’re there
staring
at me.
And I don’t know what to think
Do I have something on my face?
Is my hair out of place?
I’m not sure what to think.
Or do
how to act.
It’s oddly flattering
So…thank you?
I think?

Hidden

Hidden between peek-a-boo fingers
underneath crinkled eyelids smiling
inside entwined hands intimately embracing
within the whisper of the covers
rubbing against tangled legs
sneaking in between lips brushing
leaping off tongues speaking
dancing freely upon cheeks blushing
diving off eyelashes fluttering
swimming towards quickened side glances
pausing during cautious lip bite thinking
sung out with rustle of morning hair tucking
dawned upon and moon lit
tinkered with and pondered
rationalized and tossed aside
dug up treasure from the dirt
circle back to peek-a-boo fingers
start over with body tingles

Wolf's Cry, Stars and Clouds

I stood there staring at what I thought was my world, but I was so wrong. It was the universe. I had spent all my time just staring at the universe! And I stood there staring at this cloud. Was it a cloud? Can there be clouds at night? Transparent ones I mean. But then that would mean that during the day the only way to see a cloud is to have sunlight reflect off of it. I don’t think this happens. But maybe it’s those weird star clouds that are really pretty in those science pictures from NASA. I don’t know. SHIT a shooting star! No just a bug flying by in the yard light. That’s a fast moving bug. Wow. Then I tilted my head back down and wondered how long I had been standing there. And I realized that my ear buds from my IPOD felt like cotton balls and I could hear them move in my ear canals: SWWWOOOOSSSHHHH SWWWIIIIISSSSSHHHH. Weird. Then I realized the music I was listening to was that African band. I can’t remember. But I could feel every beat of the music. I titled my head back again and stared at the universe. I felt every muscle relax, my fingers and hands start to disappear, my body became loose and I swayed with the winds and I felt warm, so warm. Everything inside of me became still. Except for my heart; my heart it beat so fast and strong. I felt it push life through my veins. I opened my eyes and it was like BAM! STARS. I felt every slap, tap, and thump of the hands of the conga players. My head rocked and tapped back and forth to the music, so my hips followed and I wanted to dance the night away to this African band. I noticed that my glasses fogged every time I breathed out, felt the air and I become two again instead of one as we once were, if only for a moment. Even though I used you, air. I felt you leave me, air. My glasses fogged every time and it was like fading away into…nothing. And then I realized I was standing there, staring at the universe, staring at the sky. I looked down the horizons and saw a single bright star. Like a flashlight in the sky, shining right at me, from so far away. I think it’s a planet. But why do planets shine so bright? Are they balls of light, like the sun? That doesn’t make sense. They reflect moonlight but not sunlight? Why are they so bright? Why this one? Not twinkling from atmospheric gases or lack thereof, but bright and still, solidarity becoming it. So conspicuous of all the night’s gems; why? Is it like that of the transparent clouds that only reflect sunlight and not moon light? Well, I mean to say is it the opposite, this planet-star, of the transparent night time clouds? Then I heard it: the cry. I thought it was someone yelling on the soundtrack, perhaps it was recorded live. But then I heard it again and this was definitely not that of a crazed fan. This was the cry of a wolf. My heart sped up even more, if that was possible. I was nowhere near the door and I was in the light. I was in the light, alone. I stopped moving and tried not to breath. But the cry was followed by a second, then a third. Each cry was from a different position, creating a half moon around me, closing in. I turned, took out my ear buds. Silence. Then – AAAAAOOOOOHHHHH Oh my god RUN. Next I’m running to the door, my flip flops wet from the condensation in the grass, causing me to slip and slide on my way to the door. No clue how close but the cries got more excited, like running in for the kill. So terrified; I watch the shadow in front of me as I run to the door. Door closes behind me and I’m in. Just as I reach for the next door, I hear them. Just out of sight from the light of the yard, under the veil of the transparency and the hidden secrets and reflected lights, conspicuous to all of night’s creatures, they prowl.

Sorry

I don’t know how to say I’m sorry
Other than “I’m sorry.”
I could say it a million times,
Until eventually it has no meaning.
I can climb the highest mountains,
And tell the whole world how I feel.
I could write you a letter
With only two words written.
I can always call you up,
And cry into the phone.
Or maybe I could come face to face,
With all that I have done.
I want to say I’m sorry,
I just don’t know how.
I want to tell you how I feel,
I just am too scared to say it.
I could always make a broadcast,
So the public knows it too.
I could disappear into the dark,
And hope I could forget you.
I can throw a tantrum like a child,
Maybe that might work?
I could also write a book,
About the way I made you hurt.
Maybe I might just forget about it all.
Maybe then I wouldn’t hurt,
Not even a little,
Not at all.